Saturday, 13 August 2011

My Votes For Best Wrestling Attires In History

Okay, now that I’ve got being negative out of the way, I think it’s time to show off some of the better attires wrestlers have donned in the past. They can vary from some nice looking pieces to some showy and spectacular quasi-set pieces. I’ve tried to keep the balance between men and women fairly even so, raise the curtains.

Billy Gunn – Real Men Do Wear Pink

Being the huge Billy Gunn mark that I’ve been since birth, I was always going to fit him on my list and low and behold the only PPV where he has gold around his waist in my favourite gimmick for him. The One showed up wearing these lurid pink trunks and somehow made them look badass. Being IC Champion means you can wear whatever you want and Billy made them work. Hell, he even wrestled one of the best matches of his career with an earring.

Beth Phoenix – The Fabulous Firebird
Well Matt Striker never misses an opportunity to call Beth this whenever she’s on screen so it was only fitting to put it as the title. I always admired Beth’s Glamasuits and the nice Amazon headbands she wears since it sets her apart from the other divas. This one hasn’t been shown off as much as some of her other attires but I prefer it over most of them. The design of the flames really goes well with her whole Phoenix theme and this was actually what she was wearing when we finally got to see her and Kharma standing in the same ring.

Chris Jericho – The Ayatolla
Fun Fact about Jericho – my dad referred to him as “the chef” because one day he walked in on me and my brother watching Raw when Jericho was wearing those checked pants and jacket. I considered adding that to the list but Jericho’s WrestleMania XX attire beats all the others. Y2J brought his A-game that night and put on an awesome show against Christian. Too bad he got the taste slapped out of his mouth afterwards

Goldust – The Golden Carpet
The Golden One made my list for worst attires for his monstrosity at WrestleMania XIV but of course he was wearing silver that night. Here there’s no “Artist Formerly Known As...” and he’s just straight up Goldust. Women and men, straight and gay alike would be foolish not to want to try on this particular item. In the words of The Outsiders, stay golden.

Hart Dynasty – The Pink & White Will Leave You Black & Blue
Big thanks to the guy with this sign at this year’s Survivor Series and I think it would make a great slogan should the Hart Dynasty ever reform. Sadly of course that probably won’t happen now that one of them has been given their marching orders but probably the biggest match of all their careers was Money In The Bank 2010 and they sure were dressed for success. Perhaps co-ordinating their attire was the key to their success since Tamina didn’t match her two guys and of course we know how well that match worked out for the Usos.

The Hurricane – The Perfect Storm
Continuing with the superhero theme, here was a great excuse for Shane Helms to go all out with his gimmick and make it memorable. The Hurricane was one of the best comedy gimmicks in history and managed to last for five whole years as both a face and a heel. Keeping with the tradition of many superheroes before him, Helms gave himself a mask, cape, tights and even dyed his hair green for a spell. It’s too bad he was released before we could see the proper return of The Hurricane.

Ivory – Very Violent Violet
Well I’m not sure exactly what specific colour violet is but I couldn’t pass up a pun like that, could I? Ivory was another diva who always put special effort into her ring gear (except when she was in RTC for obvious reasons) with an emphasis on the colour purple (coincidence she was a Valentine’s gift for Mark Henry?). That scarf of hers deserved its own titantron she used it that much but here we have an outfit from her later days when she stopped bringing the scarf with her. Believe it or not she was in her 40s at the time.

Kelly Kelly – Too Cool For The Cougar
Of course none of the divas really put that much effort into their clothes or their moves really at WrestleMania 26. Creative just gave them three minutes so they could collect their paycheck and make Sensational Sherri spin in her grave at the sight of Vickie pancaking this poor girl. Ironically Kelly was the one who made the most effort that night, in both the match and the ring gear. She’s come a long way from having to take Vickie’s “cougar splash” and even King said he liked her outfit, before wondering aloud if he could talk her out of it.

LayCool – Famous And/Or Flawless

I was shocked that LayCool actually made it past two WrestleManias and I was glad that they were given proper attention at 27 after the fiasco that was 26. They were introduced as the perfect combination of beauty, talent and intelligence and they co-ordinated with Dolph and Vickie for silver. Layla added purple to hers but I have to say it’s a crime that they didn’t put those silver hoodies on WWE, please think of the children!

Legion of Doom – Spike Your Shoulders
Who could forget the LOD Hawk and Animal? Even I who wasn’t even a fan when they were in the business always found them distinctive. These two guys certainly meant business with their tribal face paint and spiked shoulder pads. Their opponents definitely were intimidated by them, even when they had the beautiful Sunny on their arms. Sometimes she even joined in with their outfits as well.

Lita – Under The Edge
Lita always gave us an edgy and alternative look to the typical pretty glamorous girls with perfect hair and shiny colours. She always went for the punk look with several different ideas like the thong hiked up above her tights, the hotpants and fishnets and the baggy pants as well. If I had to pick a Lita attire then it’s got to be her New Year’s Revolution gear which sadly was what she was wearing when the women’s division officially took a nosedive in 2005. 

Maryse – Iron Maiden, Man
Now I think it’s fairly obvious that Maryse is no comic book fan or even an avid watcher of superhero movies so of course I didn’t kid myself that she was one of us, but this number worn at Unforgiven 2008 certainly invoked the image of Iron Man and maybe that was Maryse’s attempt to connect with the fans – it obviously didn’t work since the crowd chanted “TNA!” during the match which was a shame because it remains her best match to date.

MNM – Don’t Return PETA’s Calls
It only makes sense that two guys calling themselves the A-List show up dressed for success to stroll down the red carpet. I’m surprised that they were never attacked by angry PETA members throwing blood on them for those coats (if anyone did that then sleep with one eye open from now on). Then of course there’s the sunglasses and the eye catching tights though we probably could have done without them hanging the belts from their...well belts. Don’t feel left out, Melina, as that brings us to...

Melina – Hot Wheels
True Melina’s SummerSlam messterpiece made the worst list but Melina always liked to put effort into her ring gear and this particular piece, worn during a throwaway 6-person tag match with Cryme Tyme certainly opened my eyes. It of course taps into the childhood love for Hot Wheels and other toy cards that exists within nearly every man, and some women too. And of course it helped that she had the Women’s title around her waist also.

Rey Mysterio – Dare Devil
Of course it’s in a luchador’s job description that he must have a set of outfits to rival Elton John, George Michael and Billy Idol put together and it was hard picking which of Rey Rey’s outfits would make my list, but of course his WrestleMania attires were at the front of the line. In this case it’s first the best as he showed up at WrestleMania XIX as one of the more underrated super heroes and that night he did indeed fly like a hero. His Joker costume from WrestleMania 25 was a close contender too but I went with the one that got more screen time.

Too Cool – Pretty Fly
Too Cool were indeed Pretty Fly for two white guys. Scotty and Brian donned probably their loudest and most larger than life outfits at the millennium WrestleMania and probably inspired a generation of wiggers. Scotty obliged the fans and gave us a WrestleMania-sized double WORM while Grand Master did some moonwalking, not to be outdone. Sadly this was their only Mania appearance together though Scotty would later appear at the 20th WrestleMania with Rikishi. Turn It Up!

Trish Stratus – Power To The Purple
Now Trish has appeared at every WrestleMania that took place during her career and showed some special new touch whenever she was on screen so it was hard to pick out of the mess of pretty colours but I vote for one of her best matches and the attire that goes with it. Here she’s got a bit of a throwback to the traditional singlet worn by the likes of Wendi Richter and Velvet McIntyre with her own flair on it to represent the divas of today (or at least it was today then). She added a fourth Women’s title to her ensemble that night too.

Zack Ryder – Blingin Broski
If Zack Ryder were a woman, I’d equate his fashion choices to that of Maria who had an over-emphasis on animal prints and unnatural colours. But Zack is not a woman and therefore this kind of gear just works for him. He has one of the best gimmicks in WWE right now and he ain’t the Internet Champion for nothing. Take care, spike your hair. WWWYKI

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